The world is divided into 2 types of people: those who love routine and those who find it stifling. But, no matter which camp you fall into, when you announced your pregnancy you will have had advice about getting your baby into a routine. And you will have come across books that suggest starting a routine right from the beginning.
In the hazy days of new parenthood, the promise of some sort of structure can feel incredibly appealing. The bad news is, your newborn baby hasn’t read any of the books. You can’t get any structure out of a newborn. The only area where I would suggest sticking to a strong routine is when it comes to feeding. As I talk about later in this post, you should be feeding your newborn at least every 3 hours.
Don’t panic. While I can’t give you a schedule for you and your baby to stick to, there are ways to bring (organization) to your new world. Here are my 3 tried and tested tips to make you and your baby feel more settled.
Tip #1: Find the right rhythm for your newborn
When I begin work with a new client I turn up with a baby diary. We write down what happens in the baby’s life every day for 4 weeks. Then I’ll take it away, look it over, and work out when usually feed, sleep, and so on. This forms the basis of the routine that I recommend to the parents.
As the routine I create is based on what’s already happening, it doesn’t come as too much of a shock to the baby.
The goal isn’t to shoehorn a tiny baby into an adult routine, but to acknowledge that your life has a rhythm, and your baby is part of that life now. We need to gently work out how you can adapt.
Tip #2: Start introducing sleep skills
While I don’t advocate sleep training, it is possible to start introducing sleep skills to your baby. The best way to start this process is to establish a consistent bedtime routine. You can do this from your very first day as a parent by having a bedtime story in a darker room, and maybe singing a calming song. These both signify that night time is different to the day, something that also helps babies get used to life on the outside.
My favourite strategy for helping your baby develop sleep skills stems from Elizabeth Pantley, author of “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” who uses gradual withdrawal:
- Have a consistent bedtime routine
- Put your baby in their bed when they are drowsy, but awake
- Sit beside the bed without engaging
- If they become upset, pat or stroke them
- Each night move further away from their bed
- Repeat until you’re outside the room
This strategy lets you be a comforting presence while your baby adjusts to a new reality. And don’t forget the white noise, and a dark room to promote the ideal sleep environment for your baby to wake up rested and happy!
Tip #3: Follow Eat, Play, Sleep
At each stage, your baby will be able to stay awake for longer. Awake windows for different ages are a useful way of dividing up your day if you like to feel more structured.
With newborn babies, I like to split things into 3-hour blocks. In each of these blocks I would fit the following:
- Feed your baby
- Play (for newborns this can just be a nappy change. For older babies you might want to have some tummy time.)
- Let your baby sleep
- Wake them up and start all over again.
A reminder
While I wish I could promise you wake-free nights, it’s worth remembering that we are dealing with tiny babies who are affected by wind, temperature changes, you sitting down to watch your favourite show on Netflix, and someone sneezing 3 doors down. But these 3 tips help my clients feel a little more in control during what can be a destabilizing time in their lives.
Trying to get your head around life with a newborn can be a lonely process. If you need to reach out for a listening ear and more support then you can find out more here.
